Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Lord, Why Me?

Tuesday, March 11, 2014



“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which [the Lord] has promised to those who love Him.” - James 1:12

On my way home this morning, I saw this blind woman beggar who’s lurking in the streets. Usually, she has someone with her to go from vehicle to vehicle to ask for some coins from the passengers. The only different thing today was – SHE IS ALONE. Then I thought, where is her companion? What if some vehicle bumps into her and just run without helping her? Then I just realized that my eyes are getting wet, and I’m already thinking of my son.
Carlisle has been diagnosed as gradually blind when he was five months old, a month after he was diagnosed with Viral Meningitis. I was devastated, and I automatically thought, how can I raise him well? Can I handle this? Is my life enough to be with him until he becomes fine on his own? How can he be when I’m already gone? Who will help him when I’m not here? These questions made me cry every single night while I’m watching him sleep.

What did I do? Did I take anything unprescribed that may result to this? I can’t help but blame myself. well then, who else? Who have raised this child for nine months in her womb? Who have taken food and drinks while this child is inside her body? No one else but me. I’ve got no one to blame but myself. I can’t blame the guy who left me hanging while I’m pregnant, nor I can’t blame my parents, nor the doctors that made me believe that there’s no problem with my child.

People who know me always say, “God will not give you this trial if He knows you’ll not going to make it.” Then I weep. It makes me ask everytime, Lord, why me? I haven’t done good enough for you to think I’m strong. I don’t usually obey my parents. I start fights with my sisters. I’m not faithful with my partner. I don’t give importance to my work. Lord, why me? You made me a single parent, then You gave my son such rare kind of disease. Lord, why me?
This question just made me realize that Lord gave me this kind of trial for me to be strong enough to face anything. Lord chose me because He loves me enough to guide me with nurturing my child. Lord let me have this experience for me to know that I am blessed enough to be surrounded with people who’s willing to be there for me and my child. Lord has chosen me to be one of his blessed children to bring such a special child to this world.

In Job 1:21, it says, “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job lost his houses, his riches, his cattle, and even his own children, yet he still chose to praise God for His goodness. Even if Lord is giving us trials and endeavors in life, we should be able to give thanks to Him, because He gives us lessons that we thought would not be possible and in the end shall make us each of a better person.


Lord will always be with me throughout this battle, because He loves me. And that should be enough to be strong.



               





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30 comments:

  1. Prayers to you, Mayu! The Lord indeed has His wise plans and faith in Him is what He desires. Hope you'll grow in faith with this trial.

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  2. Oh, just reading this makes me want to hug your Carlisle, Mayu! I'll be including him in my prayers. Don't worry; whatever tribulations God throws our way, He will ultimately use them for His glory.

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  3. Our prayers for you. I believe God has his reasons.

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  4. I" sure you're pretty strong and you will get through this Mayu!

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  5. Hugs and prayers Mayu. If God puts you to it, God will help you thru it! More blessings to you and the family!

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  6. We will pray for you and Carlisle. Naiyak ako. You are very strong mom. Im sure everything will be alright. God is always here naman for us and he will not give you this trial kung hindi natin kaya.

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  7. I really admire your strength. My daughter was admitted in the hospital when she was six months because of diarrhea and mild dehydration – I couldn’t help but think of bad things and the thought of it already devastated me. I know it compares nothing to what Carlisle and you are going through. Keep holding on and just stay strong! :)

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  8. Prayers to you Mummy. Sabi mo nga, God won't give you something you can't handle. I have a brother with cerebral palsy. And he is my lucky charm. Our baby in the family (except from my baby of course). I always think that God blessed our family by giving him to us. Because He knew we are strong enough to take care of him. We are a happy family. We are blessed. We have our lucky charm. :)

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  9. Hugs. I feel you, there are times I also questioned God but everytime I remember Job's experiences, I know my problem is nothing. Be strong!

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  10. Hi, sis! I was touched by what you wrote because despite of your situation, you still have faith in the Lord. Ibang tao magi-give up na agad, but not you. Carry on, sis. We may not know the reason or purpose kung bakit binigay sa atin ni Lord ang ganitong mga pangyayari, but all will be well, tulad din ng nangyari kay Job. Just believe. :)

    Dropping by from Mommy Bloggers Philippines. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much sis!! Nowhere to go but up, nothing to do but be strong on times like this. God bless! :)

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  11. prayers and hugs to you sis.. I think God gave this to you to serve as an inspiration to others.. andyan ka Mayu para palakasin ang loob ng mga taong nanghihina :)

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  12. Prayers and peace of mind for you! God bless your child.

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  13. God always has a plan especially for your son. He may born blind but this will not be a hindrance of what he will become. He also has a mommy like you to guide and love him no matter what.

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  14. Pakatatag ka sis, I will be including your baby in my mass intention this weekend na nawa ay matotal heal sya… God bless you sis, Lakasan mo ang loob mo dahil sa iyo huhugot ng strength si baby.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Cielo for including him in your prayers! :) God bless!

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  15. hi Mayu! I’ve gone through the same stage of questioning God myself. My son was suspected with Down Syndrome when I gave birth due to bilateral congenital cataracts and other medical conditions that he suffered during his first few months. I confirmed his DS just this January and I was just plainly devastated. I asked the same questions you’ve asked and until now, I still search for the answers.

    But a lot of people have also told me that the Lord would not give me something that I wouldn’t be able to handle. You see, I am a single mom myself and going through this kind of times is really hard and takes its toll on us especially during the darkest of days.

    I am still coping but regardless of what the diagnosis is with my son, if I will have to go through it all over again, I will not change a thing. :) He made me stronger and made me want to strive harder to be a better person as he only has me to look up to.

    Kudos to you for having a strong faith. Sometimes it is the only thing that we’ve got to keep us going.. :)

    Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. :)

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    1. Thank you Liz!! Indeed it is difficult for us to think about it first, pero kapit lang tayo. And you’re right, God wouldn’t give anything that we can’t handle. Maybe it’s the reason why our kids are called special, because they are indeed special. Take care and stay strong! :)

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  16. Virtual Hugs and Prayers for you sis! Be strong and god bless you more..

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  17. Mayu, I'll never know the pain you feel. But I do pray that God continues to bless you and your little fighter. I know it may be irrelevant, but God gave me a trial I thought I could not surpass, my first baby was still born. She was healthy in my womb but when we were due for the c-section she didn't make it. I was so angry. We'll never understand His reasons, but we just need to hang tight and keep the faith. It is true that God would not give us trials we could not handle, just keep praying and surround yourself with supportive people.

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  18. I think I want to cry!!! HUhuhuu! You can do this Mayu, I know! Be strong, Carlisle needs you.

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  19. Awww I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you to accept your situation. But I believe that you can make the best of it. Just remember that battles like this are reserved for the strongest of people. Somewhere inside of you, you are sure to find strength.

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